It's not you...

It’s not you…

This happens every few years; trust me. It’s a fine-tuned piece of clockwork that gets out of sync, needing an equally fine-tuned piece of Norse hammer technology to carefully bring it back into precise alignment. Even gentlemen in tailored day suits and monocles cannot predict it, nor can they prevent it.  Despite the best scientists, regardless of the bones and tea leaves used to foretell its coming, the shit happens. You may know not “when” but you can plan bowel movements and bets around the certainty.

Gentle reader(s)…CL Turner will most certainly experience a period (see what I did there?) of “temporal flux” and become a little bitch. This is most certainly a fucking known fact.

I could go on and on, whining, bitching, dodging and doing the sweet dance that is a Millennial favorite…butt, alas, I choose to look at this for what it is and do what is required. I will take responsibility.

I am a Bipolar.  It has ended many a good thing in my life. But you have to learn when bad behavior and your own illness are two separate things. As a bipolar person, I fully realize that I live under a microscope; that what I do is laser-pointed and targeted as an example of irrational, eccentric, crazy and insane behavior–to be feared and ostracized.

Let’s just grab the lube, fix a drink, get the Americane and fist our way to avoidance, shall we? Drive a little clown car into the ass and forget this whole thing ever happens (on a regular basis) to everyone else when there are a few folk with declared mental illnesses to blame. I’ve lived with that, I can accept that…but I don’t have to like it.

What I DO have to accept and own is this: there are times when the evidence becomes irrefutable that the world is not against you, and you (I) are (am) indeed an asshole. There are times when you (I) really do need to take several steps back, find a chair, and sit the fuck down! before things start getting really insane.

I am at that point, and I apologize. I’ve noticed that I tend to get most vocal when I should be striving for silence and balance…I should know this by now.

So, with that, I say “It’s not you, it’s me”.

But you’re still a bag of dicks.

Note: After receiving a message from someone about this post, it’s probably a good idea to clarify. This is part of a long-term, ongoing writing project. It’s not aimed at anyone or anything… It just is. Please don’t make more of it than that. Thanks for the concern though!

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